Tag Archives: buffalo

Survivor Buffalo Style

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Due to the popularity of the Survivor show, Buffalo is planning to do its own version, titled Survivor, Buffalo Style.

The contestants will start at the airport and must plot a route through every councilmanic district in Buffalo, including North Buffalo, South Buffalo, the East Side, the West Side, Black Rock/Riverside, the Delaware district, and downtown.

Each will drive a pink, foreign-made 2-door coupe with Miami plates and will have the following bumper stickers affixed to their vehicles:

  • “Amherst: We got UB. Get over it.”

  • “The Anchor Bar Sucks”

  • “O.J. Was Guilty”

  • “What is the Virgin Mary doing under that bathtub?”

  • “Twin Span Now”

  • “I [heart] the Control Board”

  • “Masiello in 2005″

  • “Fifty percent of downtown for parking is not enough”

  • “Go Bills, and take the Sabres with you”

The first one to make it back to the airport alive wins.

Are You Polish?

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A guy goes into the store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Polish Sausage.”

The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Polish?” !

The guy, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you: if I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian??? Or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German?? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Huh? Would ya??”

The clerk says “Well, no.”

With deep self righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well, alright then, why the HELL did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?”

The clerk says “Because this is a hardware store.”

Blonde Ice Fishing

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A blonde who had lived in Buffalo all her life wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of Spot coffee, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heaven the voice bellowed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” She stopped, looked skyward, and said, “Is that you, Lord?”

The voice replied, “NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF HSBC ARENA.”