Clarence Barbie: This princess Barbie is sold only at the Galleria Mall. She comes with an assortment of Coach Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Courvoisier and a cookie cutter $1,000,000.00 McMansion. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold separately.

Tonawanda Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Niagara Street Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie is available after dark and must be paid for in cash, preferably small, untraceable bills.

East Aurora Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, American Express card and Roycroft membership. Also available for this set is Artistic Ken, who has a potter’s wheel and no visible means of support.

South Buffalo Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a Hooters t-shirt and a shamrock tattoo. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Twisted Sister CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Buffalo Sabres bumper sticker absolutely free.

Amherst Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available.

Lackawanna Barbie: This chain-smoking, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of another Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Cheektowaga version comes with a mobile home and pink flamingo.

Lexington Co-op Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has multi-colored dreadlocks, unshaved armpits, no makeup and multiple piercings. Purchase Barbie’s new Co-op blueprints and get a free demolition permit for the pre-WWI building of your choice.

BMHA Barbie: This Barbie comes with a stroller and infant doll. Ken is available, but difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Broadway/Fillmore Barbie: This model comes with a choir robes, a collection plate, a bible, and is automated. Pull the string and she raises her right hand and praises the lord. Available in four styles: Baptist, Jehovah’s Witness, African-Methodist- Episcopal, and (this week’s special) Urban Storefront.

Elmwood Barbie/Ken: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple “snap-on” parts. Comes with your choice of CD: Ani DiFranco or Broadway’s Greatest Hits.